tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28865005223897638362024-02-21T07:35:27.270+00:00The Bisexual Visibility ExperimentWhat happens when bisexuality is visible?kazernielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08201045732289753771noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2886500522389763836.post-72003896516870310922015-12-16T12:22:00.001+00:002015-12-16T12:23:05.739+00:00Ever - I’m bisexual and I’ve never had to come out<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I haven’t hidden it but I don’t declare it. I’m not going to meet someone and say, “Hi, I’m Ever and I’m bisexual.” For a start, I don’t think my sexuality is anyone’s business. But it’s not that simple, is it? When I introduce my husband people will assume I’m hetero and that bothers me. If I’d married a woman people would assume I was gay. That bothers me too. It also bothered me when equal marriage rights came into effect in Scotland and many headlines read: ‘Gay marriage law…’ I felt invisible. It’s not ‘gay marriage’. It’s ‘equal marriage’ or just ‘marriage’. Our society is stuck in a binary of us and them. It’s not that simple.</blockquote>
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<a name='more'></a>So when I read about the Bisexual Visibility Experiment I immediately signed up. <br />
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When I chose my t-shirt I knew I didn’t want the one that said ‘proudly bisexual’. While I understand the use of the word ‘pride’ to counter persecution and enforced shame, being proud of sexuality makes no sense to me. I’m not proud to be bi, I’m not ashamed to be bi; I just am. And as my friend Cherry said, ‘bisexuality rocks' sounds like “we are trying to recruit people to some slightly dodgy cult.” ‘Bisexual everyday’ made sense to me, as it clearly counters society’s denial of bisexuality and nicely sums up the fact that I’m bi whether in a sexual relationship or not, and reinforces that I’m not suddenly straight because I married a man. <br />
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I felt self-conscious wearing the t-shirt but other than the friends I was with, no one seemed to notice. We were discussing the film Carol, which moved easily into a discussion about the t-shirt and sexuality. Out of a group of six, three of us (including myself) identified as bi, one as gay and bi-curious, and two as hetero (although, we all professed an unease with labels). Our discussion highlighted the main problem with people’s reaction to bisexuality – one of disbelief. People immediately question your own narrative of your life and identity. Stefani said she came out as bi aged fifteen and her mum’s reaction was: “Are you trying to tell me you’re gay?” to which Stefani retorted, “No, because then I would have said ‘I’m gay’.” Cherry confirmed this disbelief, telling us that one of her friends said, “But you’re not really bi, are you?” <br />
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Stefani pointed out that people tend to say “well, if you haven’t slept with a girl you can’t be bi.” She highlighted the absurdity and hypocrisy of this: “You don’t question a hetero virgin’s heterosexuality, do you?” This all demonstrates that hetero is still considered ‘the norm’ and any other sexuality is under interrogation. This is partly why I didn’t want to ‘come out’ – people who are hetero don’t have to ‘come out’, so why should I? But of course that doesn’t help with the rampant denial of bisexuality’s existence. Although, things are improving, with many more people understanding that sexuality isn’t a binary, and there’s an increase in people placing themselves somewhere on a spectrum between hetero and gay.<br />
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I don’t like labels, but bisexual is the one I chose. Why bi and not pansexual? Even though pan is probably more accurate (if I fall for someone I fall for someone, I don’t care what genitals they have or don’t have, if they’re male, female, masculine, feminine, both, in-between, intersex), I chose bi because it’s a political statement and it starts conversations.<br />
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If I had to choose a label I’m completely comfortable with, it would be ‘Queer’ with a capital ‘Q’, which doesn’t simply refer to sexuality - it’s a rejection of identity politics: identity is multiple, unstable and fluid. While it might then seem counterintuitive to choose a sexuality label of ‘bi’, which on the surface seems to consolidate dominant binaries, bisexuality works as a Queer identity because bisexuality doesn’t allow for either/or. There will always be the ‘othering’ of people we don’t think are like us, people we want to keep at a distance; bisexuality problematizes the ability to ‘other’ because bi is hetero, homo, and neither. The existence of bisexuality decentres heterosexuality, positioning it as one side of two extremes - people find this challenging, so they deny it exists. Which is where the Bisexual Visibility Experiment and the slogan t-shirt comes in; here I am - while I think it’s no one’s business, while I think it shouldn’t matter at all what my sexuality is - here I am, making my political statement: some people are bi, get over it.kazernielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08201045732289753771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2886500522389763836.post-12066921926314917632015-12-15T12:14:00.000+00:002015-12-16T12:22:23.622+00:00Anonymous - T shirt<br />
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My green t-shirt arrived saying bisexuality rocks, and to be honest I thought why on earth had I signed up to do this.</blockquote>
<a name='more'></a>At the time I was staying in a small village in the North East of Scotland and although there are many nice people there, LGBT communities do not have such a presence. Nevertheless, I wore the t-shirt for a day, just around my village, to the local coffee morning, shopping and at a friend’s later. Partly due to the temperature and partly due to wearing it making me feel uncomfortable I ended up having to put a layer on top, not because I did not want to support bi people but because I know there are a lot of people uncomfortable with the topic there. Anyway I discussed it with my parents and brother over lunch and although they said they were all for diversity, they could not bring themselves to say the word bisexual, in the same way they can never say gay or lesbian, they just say diversity is good. Since I felt I had not truly worn the t-shirt out in public I wore it for a day once I moved to Edinburgh also, where I felt more relaxed supporting the motto. It happened to be Halloween so I wore it around town during the day and out with friends to a few pubs at night. I incorporated it into a poor zombie runner costume.<br />
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How comfortable I was wearing the message in different parts of Scotland has really highlighted to me just how there is some way to go for awareness of all LGBT topics in Scotland still. Also despite my experience of wearing the t-shirt, all be it to not being to very exciting places, I still think it got a few conversations about the topic started. Finally, I am glad I took part because although wearing a label in a way was uncomfortable, I could take it off. The topic of bisexuality and the fact there are lots of bisexual people out there is something which can’t be taken of and needs to become more accepted in my opinion, which I am sure in the future will be the case.kazernielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08201045732289753771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2886500522389763836.post-77276724366445642812015-12-13T17:29:00.000+00:002015-12-16T12:16:01.680+00:00Iain - 19 bisexual polyamorous transman with mental health issues(trigger warning: sexual violence)<br />
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I've experienced a lot of sexual assault in my life. From twelve to thirteen, I was regularly raped by an older friend. When I was fourteen, a guy I was dating forced me to give him a blow job. I came out as a lesbian a few months after that, telling myself that I didn't like masculine people at all and feminine people were the only ones for me. <br />
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When I left school at seventeen, I came out as a straight male, hoping I'd finally start feeling comfortable. I didn't. I kept having attraction to masculine people, which I felt disgusted with myself for. I had so many openly and happily non-monosexual friends around me, but when it was me I just felt ashamed of myself. <br />
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I pretended I didn't know what made masculine people attractive, I distracted myself with feminine people, sometimes allowing myself to like non-binary people. There was a whole side of me I was denying, and I was destroying my mental health and education opportunities in the process. <br />
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Last year I started dating a cisman for the first time in years, saying it was a one off and he'd be the only man ever. I thought I'd be OK, but then comes more emotional abuse, unpleasant sex and a horrific miscarriage I'm not sure I'll ever be over. I left him early this year, broken and suicidal. <br />
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Then I met another guy. The first one to start off by asking what I was comfortable with, the first to actually try and look after me. Honestly I didn't know what to do or how to feel safe again, I just wanted to look after him in the same way. It meant I finally had the space to relax on my internalised biphobia and actually come out to myself. It felt so good, like a huge knot inside me was gone. We never ended up going out, but he was the first person not to hurt me so will always have a special place in my heart. <br />
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I'm still not ready to come out to anyone outside the queer community, the idea of wearing a t-shirt or even having it in my wardrobe terrifies me, but at least now I can have partners of all genders when I like them. At least I can now recognise what abuse is and avoid it (mostly). I'm hoping the more other people are out in society the easier it'll be for me to come out fully. I need to see other people being safe before I go somewhere dangerous again, until then my friends and partners will be here to look after me and me them.kazernielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08201045732289753771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2886500522389763836.post-7686794798340644672015-12-12T13:21:00.000+00:002015-12-16T12:03:28.036+00:00Adrian - One of the bi’s<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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On September 23 I stood at the corner of Water St. and McBride’s Hill in St. John’s, Newfoundland with a sign that said “I am Bisexual.” Why on earth would I do such a thing, you may ask? And well you may. Sept 23 is in fact Bi Visibility Day. The awesome folks from Equality Network in Scotland had put out a call to get people to openly express their bisexuality on this day in whatever form they chose, and I chose this.</blockquote>
<a name='more'></a>There’s something uniquely empowering about standing on a busy street with a sign proclaiming your truth, whether it’s “I am bisexual” or “The end is nigh!” (maybe you could combine the two somehow). It’s better than a comment on Facebook, let me tell you. I had actually wanted to do exactly this for quite a while, and Bi Visibility Day gave me the perfect motivation to do it. <br />
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I must admit, though, that I felt a bit of trepidation as I pulled my sign out of the car and started walking to my spot. “Am I insane?” I asked myself. “Possibly,” myself replied, “but at least I’m having fun.” I held up my sign and got to work, so to speak. <br />
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I was prepared for insults and the pelting of rotten fruit, but I got none of that. Not one negative reaction, and the experience really made me feel warmly towards my fellow St. John’s Townies. Most people ignored me, but the ones who did engage with me were overwhelmingly positive. I got smiles, encouraging honks of horns, and someone who came up and said, “Me too!” Two hairdressers on break came and chatted with me, both bi and very encouraging. An older guy drinking beer out of a water bottle approached and said, “How’s it going? I’m bisexual.” We had a chat and he confided that he liked women, “but if I saw a good looking guy coming out of a bar I’d try to sleep with him, for sure.” <br />
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It’s hard to pick a favourite interaction that I had. There was the man who walked by, saw my sign and then looked me in the eye and said, “Congratulations,” sincerely. Also there was the older woman who asked, “What’s the point?” and when I told her what it was about said, “Oh, it’s Bi Visibility Day!” Her husband said, “Thumbs up, man!” as they drove away. Perhaps, though, my favourite was the gal who, driving by in a beat-up car next to her sideways-ball-cap-wearing boyfriend, leaned out of the window and yelled, “You go! You go!” <br />
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As I don’t have a cellphone, I didn’t get any pictures other than this one that my friend took when he came over later that night. However, if you’re one of the gals who came and put your arm around me while your friend took our picture and told me, “You’re awesome!” making me feel warm and fuzzy inside, please get in touch. As long as it means something to say, “I am bisexual,” then I think we should say it, and challenge the narrow gay/straight view of sexuality that most people have. If you’re bi, curious, or just supportive, I hope you’ll join me in doing so next Sept.23!kazernielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08201045732289753771noreply@blogger.com